It’s been brought to my attention that I am an unreliable narrator. But don’t worry, dear Regulars. I only end up hoodwinking myself. Let me explain.

This all starts with memory, in this case episodic versus semantic. Episodic memory is about episodes - the particular events of a person’s life and all the details and emotions attached to them. Semantic memory is about knowledge - from the definition of diaphanous (gauzy) to the cereal grains that contain gluten (wheat, barley, and rye).

My episodic memory is scant at best. I’m not Jason Bourne or anything, but I feel like someone in mission control has turned the episodic dial all the way down to one.

I hypothesize that this is a defense mechanism from childhood (pause for shock). My brain initiated “Project Episodic Memory Wipe” to protect me during at least two tectonic life changes: moving from Japan to Texas and then from Texas to Minnesota.

What happens is this: when something significant changes in my life, I accept it as the new reality and quite literally forget everything that came before. Mission control to memory center: “Flag any episodic memory file regarding Japan. This information is no longer relevant. Initiate systemwide wipe.” I remember apt movie quotes, the recipe for banana muffins, and the finer points of navigating an international airport because my brain knows that the relevance of this information will endure. But the specific events of my own life? They won’t help me in Texas.

This mechanism has created a rather mission-focused attitude toward existence. Through this lens, living is just the ongoing navigation of obstacles. Really it’s a deeply ingrained reaction to impermanence: whatever I’m doing right now is already over. The only things that matter are what’s coming at me next and the tools I have to address it. Like Super Mario.

I don’t know if I can change this setting. It’s not a factory default, but it’s been a core part of my operating system for thirty years. You’re catching me in real time. I’ve been encouraged to make a daily list of gratitude. It’s the best idea I’ve encountered thus far, quite literally forcing myself to stop each day to appreciate things. So here goes.

Clouds
Pad Kra Pao
Being able to run
Cute garden parties - one of my best friends just hosted one with delicious food (they printed menus!), and fun people, and it was really sweet.
Late summer produce - tomatoes, corn, peppers, and eggplant. Make the most of it while it’s here.
Jana Chan
Weather that’s so perfect that it feels like the absence of weather
Prescription eyeglasses
A well made tool, in this case an aluminum pepper grinder
Canadian hospitality, even when they have every reason to withhold it

Stop and smell the rosemary, Sten.

We’re glad you’re cooking with us.

Cheers,

Sten and Mac